Initially, before we decided to pursue the “open marriage” route, we dipped our toes into the waters of swingerdom.
I didn’t care for it; far too detached for my personal tastes, didn’t like the culture surrounding it.
Everything is staged. Sex is almost assured when willing partners are found because no one ever wants to be the people who back out of a couple-on-couple meetup because it seems sketchy.
And they’ll all tell you that they only “play” together and not separately because they love Sharon this beautiful thing together, this experience.
But I think the main reason couples have the “play together” rule is that the husbands can’t get anything going on their end, and they don’t want to be left out on the cold. It needs to be set up for them. You know, like at a swinger party.
I base this upon at least half a dozen husband halves of couples we talked to or met with in the beginning.
Some of these men are coddled to the point that they believe themselves to be some kind of sexual superheroes. Cocky as all get-out, but whiny, insecure and demanding at the same time.
We talked to a couple named Steve and Debbie for awhile. I was into it, Debbie was into it, but Steve and my wife had painfully awkward conversations because he acted like such a baby in response to some of the flirtaceous shit-talking my wife was putting out there.
I pulled the plug on that situation when he started to try to pressure her into not using condoms during our upcoming rendezvous. “I don’t get much sensation with a condom on and I just really want to feel you.” (Keep in mind that this guy had JUST bragged about having sex with six women in one weekend at a swinger party. So can we logically also not assume that condoms weren’t involved? )
He also said that he couldn’t perform very well after 8pm. And he wanted to bring and set up all of his “pro” photography equipment in the motel room and take I guess glamour shots of the proceedings…
A couple of women that I’ve had experiences with, their husbands didn’t want them “playing”(I will never stop using quotes for that word, I hate it😂)alone. They either relented or their wives took my cock on the down low(especially the most timid of the coddles/enablers, they are the ones most likely to do as they please in an effort to gain some sense of self-empowerment)but these dudes were all such whiny girls. It’s really no wonder that they have open marriages. Their wives need aome relief from all that shit. I mean, mine needs relief from my shit too, I’ll admit it. But these guys are just so possessive and controlling. Guess what, if you tell me you have a “rule” that only you can have anal with your wife, your wife is going to be spreading her butt cheeks for me, and she won’t tell you about it.
The couple who ultimately prompted us to go solo and back away from this shooting-fish-in-a-barrel swinger scene invited us over one day under the pretense that it was “just breakfast and swimming” and “no pressure.” So of course, there was immediate pressure.
Becore I knew it, stuff was happening, and each of us(my wife and I) thought the other one thoroughly into it so neither said anything.
And then he sneakily fucked my wife without a condom. She was distracted and didn’t notice the lack of one(we had discussed this beforehand and were adamant they were a must)when he slipped into her from behind until he was finishing up and she realized he’d just gone in bareback.
she felt violated and to be fair, the guy’s wife, sandy, ripped him a new one about it. But that didn’t change anything, obviously. We never saw them again, needless to say.
Sandy had informed my wife, when we decided to go “solo” instead of doing the swinger thing, that it was impossible for a married man to find sex partners and that’s why you find them in “the lifestyle.”
Oh, word? Hold my beer.
It certainly is tricky at first, until you get into the swing of things. But it wasn’t long before my social awkwardness gave way to confidence and I was bedding several wonderful concurrently with zero drama. And it’s been like that for four years. Single, married, younger, older. I couldn’t have had things like that being the whiny bitch I once was. Women don’t want that shit. Just chill and don’t act so desperate. Don’t feel desperate, even. Change the way you think. Remember that you are married and have a sexually accessible wife at home to fulfill your basic needs. Always stay grounded in that fact, no matter how many times she meets up with her guys vs how many times you’ve met up with a woman. Don’t factor that in, like it’s a competition. Be patient. You don’t need other women. Stay nonchalant and don’t rush it, and over time they will be the ones trying to rush you. They’ll become frustrated by your cavalier attitude about it because they’re accustomed to being the gatekeepers. When you take desperation out of the equation, when you’re able to resist that dangling carrot, you’re the one in control of the situation. You’ll have them texting you every day talking about how wet their panties are at work thinking about your dick.
You don’t need to have sex with them. You can take it or leave it. Make sure they know that. But don’t be a douche about it. Just be cool.
Engage them as a friend. Find common ground, have conversations, get to know them and learn to genuinely enjoy that process. Learn to view them as people and not an agenda. And then treat them that way. Be smooth and just slide on in. Don’t kick in the door and be like “HERE’S MY COCK!!!”
You’ve got to understand that women are resisting dick every day of their lives. They aren’t impressed that you want to fuck them.
if they DO fuck you it’s because you stood apart somehow. Figure out what you did and stick with it. For me, it’s keeping it 100% real, flaws and all, and not coming across as desperate. And if you play your cards right, they’ll think the flaws are cute because they like you and not some artificial image you’ve constructed for yourself to lure them in. I don’t lure women in. I put myself out there and look for mutual chemistry, and then I let things take their course organically. Women are not typically word to respond favorably to “HEY UR HOT LETS FUCK U WANNA GET TOGETHER TONIGHT?” Don’t be that guy. The harder you push, the more repelled they are. The less you care about the outcome being sex, the more they will themselves pursue it. And that’s where you wanna be.